How Friendship Makes You Happy: Surprising Science on Friendship

 

Friendships are one of the few things that all humans have in common. We all have varying levels of friendship with other people. Did you know that friendships with other people makes you happier?
We all started making friends when we were little kids. Friendships came and went throughout the years. Some of us have long, deep friendships with people from our childhood while others have various close friends through different periods of their lives. Others find it hard to maintain lasting friendships but are friendly with many people.
Numerous scientific studies show that friendship decreases the risk of depression and suicide, has positive health benefits such as lowering blood pressure, and is even shown to extend life expectancy.
There are a multitude of reasons why this is so. Friendships validate our self-worth. They make us feel loved and important. They provide us a place to have deep and meaningful conversations. A discussion with a good friend is always more in-depth than those with acquaintances. In fact a 2010 study in Psychological Science found that people who report having a high level of happiness correspondingly have more deep conversations on a regular basis, versus superficial small talk.
Another study by Harvard Medical School found that happiness spreads throughout social groups up to three degrees of separation. This means, for exapmple, that my best friend’s other good friend (who I don’t really know) can receive a happiness boost from me through my best friend! The study found that having a happy friend can improve our likelihood of being happy by 15 percent. Alternatively, a sad friend can only lower you chances by just 7 percent. So the great news is, happiness is more contagious than sadness.
For many of us however, maintaining strong friendships gets harder as our lives become more complicated. Obligations to work, spouses and partners, children and ailing parents take time away from more social activities that nurture close friendships. It also becomes harder to make new friends as we age because our opportunities of meeting new people diminish.
Those of you with a large social network and many close friends already know the positive benefits that friendship creates. But what about people who don’t have a large social group or many close friends?

• Psychologists have found that most people have three levels of friendships: close friendships and family (or like family), friends that you are comfortable with, and friendly acquaintances.
• There is no magic formula as to how these three levels of friendships need to be spread out. Some may have one close friend, no medium friends, and a lot of friendly acquaintances. Others may have plenty of medium friends but no close friends. Both of these scenarios are fine.
• What’s important is that we interact with “friendly” people on a regular basis.

What can you do if you want to reap the benefits of friendship but have lost touch with many friends over the years?
I’m sure many of us have friends that we lost touch with. If your lost connection was just due to circumstances like moving away, changing interests, or drastic life changes you can always reach out and try to connect with them again.

• Call an old friend out of the blue. They will probably be excited to hear from you.
• Attend your class reunion.
• Facebook message an old friend and strike up a conversation. Think of a question to ask them if it seems awkward.
• Invite them for coffee, to a dinner party, or a special event.
• Write them a hand written letter.

Alternatively, your lost connection may be due to tragedy, addiction, or a breach of trust. If this is the case, meeting new people is the best avenue.

Meet New People

It’s hard to meet new people when your older. You aren’t in school anymore, surrounded by tons of people your own age. If you work at home, stay at home with children, or work in a place that you can’t stand, chances are you feel pretty lonely. The trick is to find places and spaces where like-minded people congregate.
Here are some ideas for making new friends:

• Take a class. Most community centers offers free or low-cost classes in a variety of activities. Many craft stores like Joann’s and Michael’s also offer low-cost classes.
• Post a sign in the locker room of your gym that you’re looking for a workout partner. State what your goals are and what type of exercise plan you want to do. I’ve personally bonded with some of my best friends by doing this.
• Join Facebook groups that focus on your interests. Seriously, there’s a Facebook group for everything!
• Check out Meetup.org. This is a site where local groups can organize around specific functions. There are dog breed meetup groups, nursing mamma groups, professional networking groups, crafting groups – you name it!
• Nurture a relationship with someone you already know. Ask a neighbor over for coffee. Engage in a longer conversation with that cool lady in your Zumba class. Schedule a play date with a mom you met at the park. You may develop a closer friendship or they may introduce you to other people in their social group.
• If you chat to enough people you’ll find you click with some of them. It’s okay to add people to your friendly acquaintances. The important part is being social and interacting with others.

For some people, maintaining friendships are easy. For others it requires a lot of work. Just remember, to reap the happiness benefits from friendship you have got to be proactive. Waiting around for friends to magically appear or text out of the blue can lead you down a disappointing path. You must put yourself out there and take the initial steps. (Yes I know, some of you are freaking out a little.) You can do this. Humans are social creatures and we need relationships with other people to feel whole.
How has a friendship affected your life?

In the quest for happiness, many people put their hopes on the attainment of material possessions when what may matter most of all, according to new research, are things that money can’t buy, namely good health and strong relationships.
In the new Origins of Happiness study, findings of which were presented at the London School of Economics (LSE) well-being conference in December 2016, survey data collected from four countries revealed the key determinants of people’s life satisfaction.

Good Friends, Mental and Physical Well-Being Matter More Than Income

LSE economist Lord Richard Layard, who led the report, said the findings suggest governments should be focused not on wealth creation but on well-being creation.1
By focusing on people’s physical and mental health, along with their relationships, the corresponding reduction in depression and anxiety could reduce misery by 20 percent, compared to just a 5 percent reduction if the focus was on eliminating poverty.²
Tackling depression and anxiety would also be “self-financing,” according to the report, because costs would be recovered via increased employment rates and a reduction in health care costs.
“The strongest factor predicting a happy adult life is not children’s qualifications but their emotional health,” the report noted, pointing out that children should not be judged solely on their academic achievements. 
“There is also powerful evidence that schools have a big impact on children’s emotional health, and which school a child goes to will affect their emotional wellbeing as much as it affects their exam performance,” the report found. Other notable findings include:³

• Income inequality explains only 1 percent of the variation in happiness levels within a community while mental health differences explain over 4 percent
• Having a partner in life plays a greater role in life satisfaction than education level; this is in line with past research that found being married is worth more than $100,000 of annual income for both men and women⁴
• In the U.S., Germany, Britain and Australia, average happiness levels have failed to rise despite massive increases in living standards

“The evidence shows that the things that matter most for our happiness and for our misery are our social relationships and our mental and physical health,” Layard stated.

“In the past, the state has successively taken on poverty, unemployment, education and physical health. But equally important now are domestic violence, alcoholism, depression and anxiety conditions, alienated youth, exam-mania and much else. These should become center stage.”⁵

High Income Cannot Buy Happiness, But Low Income May Lower Well-Being

Strong relationships and good health are priceless factors in the equation of happiness, but there’s also a point at which low income becomes a hindrance to both.
People living in poverty — defined as an annual income of $11,770 for a single person and $24,250 for a family of four — bear the brunt of the burden, often struggling with both psychological and physical health.
A U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) report found, for instance, that nearly 9 percent of people living below the federal poverty line experienced serious psychological distress compared to only 1.2 percent of those living at or above 400 percent of the poverty line.⁶
In turn, those facing serious psychological distress were more likely to have chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), heart disease and diabetes than those not in distress. Further, as income increased, the percentage of people with serious psychological distress decreased.
Research also shows that poverty exacerbates the emotional pain of adverse events like divorce, ill health and being alone, while making it harder to enjoy positive events, like weekends.⁷
That being said, the trend of increasing income being associated with better mental health and happiness appears to be only true to a point.
In terms of emotional well-being, “there is no further progress beyond an annual income of $75,000,” researchers wrote, concluding that “high income buys life satisfaction but not happiness.”⁸

Happiness and the U-Shaped Curve

There’s also evidence to suggest that the “mid-life crisis,” a period of unhappiness that hits many people in their 40s, may in fact be real. Research from half a million people revealed a distinct U-shaped curve to their happiness levels.⁹
In childhood, happiness levels tended to be high, then moved downward after the age of 18 and bottoming out during the 40s. Between the teenage and middle-age years, one study suggested life satisfaction scores may dip by up to 10 percent.¹⁰
By age 50 and beyond, happiness starts to creep back up again until, for most, the last few years of life or a serious health problem occurs.
Research has suggested older adults tend to have a greater sense of happiness than younger adults because they regulate emotions better, are exposed to less stress and have fewer negative emotions (and perhaps a diminished negative response).
In addition, one study published in the Journal of Consumer Research suggested that while younger people tend to value extraordinary experiences, as people get older they tend to place more value on ordinary moments, such as drinking a good cup of coffee or "having a long and fun conversation with my son."¹¹
Another theory posits that the U-shaped happiness curve is “caused by unmet expectations that are felt painfully in midlife but beneficially abandoned and experienced with less regret during old age.”¹²

Friendship Fights Depression

Having a strong social network of good friends is a key indicator of happiness for good reason. Research shows friendship can be a significant factor in successful recuperation from depression, as good mood and a positive outlook can actually spread like a contagion through social groups.¹³
This is one reason why strong social ties are indicative of one’s happiness; mental illness, especially depression and chronic anxiety, is “the biggest single cause of misery in advanced countries,” according to LSE’s Centre for Economic Performance (CEP).¹⁴
One of CEP’s priorities is to overhaul public policy to increasingly aim at increasing wellbeing and personal happiness, especially since only one-third of people struggling with mental illness receive treatment, such as cognitive behavioral therapy.

Layard is the founder of Action for Happiness, a movement of people committed to building a happier and more caring society. In the video above, he explains why we should stop short of tying our inner purpose to becoming richer and richer and instead focus on achieving happiness and well-being.
Action for Happiness, whose members pledge to try to create more happiness in the world around them, has compiled 10 keys to happier living which, based on the latest research, tend to make life happier and more fulfilling. They spell out “GREAT DREAM”:¹⁵

• Giving: Do things for others
• Relating: Connect with people
• Exercising: Take care of your body
• Awareness: Live life mindfully
• Trying Out: Keep learning new things
• Direction: Have goals to look forward to
• Resilience: Find ways to bounce back
• Emotions: Look for what’s good
• Acceptance: Be comfortable with who you are
• Meaning: Be part of something bigger

One of the bonuses of happiness is that it creates a positive feedback loop, leading to physical and mental benefits, for instance, that make positive emotions easier to achieve. True happiness opens your mind, broadening your awareness of the world and allowing you to become more in tune with the needs of others.
Experiencing positive emotions also increases intuition and creativity while broadening your mindset. A broadened mindset, in turn, helps you build important personal resources like social connections, coping strategies and environmental knowledge that will help you thrive and find increased well-being, a win-win situation for everyone involved.